And maybe, sometimes, small steps mean small changes...

Today was the annual May Student Affairs Retreat and we had an exercise where we each had to talk about something that we want to pursue.  I brought up writing and of course one of the suggestions was to blog.  I immediately felt guilty about my neglected blog.... I'm not even sure if it counts as a blog if there is only one entry.  Anyway, I came back and read through my first post and had a mixture of emotions as I read through it.  At first I was disappointed with myself because as I read through the list of things I don't think I am where I envisioned myself when I wrote that post.  Then I changed my mind about the being disappointed.  I realized the whole point was about making small changes, and while I haven't been consistent, I have been making small changes.  I have spent more time outside, cooked more, and watched less TV.  I have continued to write, though I haven't been publishing it, and I have taken some extra time to read.  I haven't started running again and probably am not spending less time on line, and I'm not as consistent with each of these things as I should be, but I am making small steps in the right directions and that was the expectation that I set out for myself.  So why should I be disappointed?  Instead I'm excited to think back and see that I have been doing some of these things and want to work toward being more intentional with them and doing them more often.

Additionally I am glad to see that a lot of the things that I talked about accomplishing in 2011 are continuing.  The boundaries that I set before have been tested and I have continued to hold strong.  I have been clear about my needs and I see more and more why they were important to set and how I am being protected by them, even though initially I was hurt.  I am also continuing my commitment to both tithe and save.

I've also done a few things that were not on the list that I am excited about.  I approached someone that I admire professionally and requested that she mentor me.  I have been spending intentional time with her monthly.  This has also led me to more seriously research and pursue my doctorate.  I have been looking at all the options available to me and begun thinking about the steps that I need to take in order to begin that next step in my life.  One of my favorite changes is that I have been spending more time with my family and precious niece.

We are five months into 2012 and it is not a perfect year, but it is a good year.  Today, away from the haze of the first day of a new year, I am still optimistic.  At this point it hasn't mean a huge change for my life, but it has meant change.  Change for the better.  Change that I didn't necessarily notice until I took the time to stop and reflect.

.... So I'm grateful for the retreat today, bringing back to my blog, encouraging me to reflect on my last few months, and encouraging me to write more.  Hopefully it won't take five more months to write again....

Many Small Steps for Ashley, A Big Change for Her Life....

2011 was a tough year.  It seemed that despite the ducking and weaving it knocked us down over and over again, but we got back up, we kept fighting and we are making it into 2012.  In 2011 we learned lessons, lessons about finances, lessons about relationships, lessons about life… we were being prepared for something else, something more, something we may not yet know… and something we may not learn of in 2012. 

In 2011 I took what I learned about boundaries and applied them to friendships.  It was hard, but it was healthy.  It hurt, but in the end it will be worth it.  It meant that people left me, but it made room for new people to enter. 

In 2011 I made it a priority to tithe and to save.  I made it a priority to do both despite other circumstances.  My answer in tougher months needed to be to budget better, not dip into savings or lessen my offering.  I am fortunate and blessed, and though unexpected things came up, I was not asked to truly struggle financially.  God’s provision for me was more than abundant.

In 2012 I want to write more.  I want to carve out time in my days to write, to create. 

In 2012 I want to spend more time outside.  I love the outdoors and yet I have come to almost avoid it.  I spend little time outside and believe it could be effecting my mood.  I love the sights, sounds, and smells.  I love the feel of a light breeze on my face or grass on my bare feet. 

In 2012 I want to read more.  I am always so happy when I am reading regularly and yet I go through phases where I read nothing for months.  I want to be diligent about feeding my mind and imagination.

In 2012 I want to cook more.  I enjoy cooking, I can save money, and I will eat healthier.  I want to cook more often in 2012.

In 2012 I want to exercise more.  Take small steps in the right direction.  Start fresh each day knowing every little bit makes a difference.  I want to stretch more and build strength.  I want to run enough to enjoy it again…. Maybe I’ll even train for a half-marathon.

In 2012 I want to spend more time in my city.  More time exploring what it has to offer.  More time in museums, theatres, restaurants.  More time viewing art, learning about history, watching independent films, and eating delicious food.

In 2012 I want to watch less TV.  If I want to spend more time doing these other times then I will need to make up for it somewhere else.  There will always be times where I want to do something mindless and decompress, where it is noise in the background, but in general, I want to watch less of it, and keep it from controlling my life. 

In 2012 I also want to spend less time online.  I want to spend less time thinking about the life I want to spend more time living it.  Less time talking to people through a computer and more time listening to their voice.  Less time stalking their pictures and more time with them face to face.